I have this theory about internet dating. I think that the reason it feels so bizarre for (many) people of my generation, Generation X, is that we never really learned how to date. For myself, and for most of my friends, relationships historically began by “hanging out” and “hooking up,” and the first date only happened after one or both of those things had happened. “Dating” was never really something that I did (much to my mother’s dismay). What internet dating does is actually put us into a situation that’s sort of from the 1950s. You see multiple people, you don’t commit until after you’ve weighed them against one another, and you never experience an “insta-relationship.” If you’re doing it right. (I have, historically, done it wrong.)
So I have been on two dates in two days with new fellows. Both of these fellows on paper have many things in common. Both majored in English (this is the first time ever I have dated people who majored in English in college), both like all of the movies and music that I like. Both have decent taste in books (or, even if I disagree with their taste, they have read the books so that I can disagree with them, which is a delight.)
One is a Giant (6’6″) and a mailman.
The other is a Leprechaun (a slight fellow who is 5’10”) and who does IT related things for a non-profit.
The Giant grew up here, and the Leprechaun grew up in a square state with amber waves of grain.
I think, at the moment, that the Leprechaun is in the lead. While I had fun with the Giant last night (dinner, pub trivia), tonight’s date with the Leprechaun was probably the best first date I’ve ever been on (we met for drinks, went for a walk, ended up at a great Japanese restaurant for sushi – and let’s note, I had thought to myself that I’d have a drink and then come home).
But it’s weird. I am doing nothing wrong. I am not being dishonest with anyone, or being unfair or misleading to anyone. But it still feels weird to be “seeing” two men. And I don’t quite know how to navigate “seeing” two men. Nor do I know how I will handle ending it with one if the other ends up being somebody I want to see exclusively. See, historically, the “seeing each other exclusively” conversation has not, for me, ever involved another person. It’s all so WEIRD.
Right now I am making no decisions. I need to ride it all out a bit more. That said? They are both lovely men. And it is totally bizarre to inhabit a position where I allow two lovely men to take me out on dates without giving them a thing and without getting rid of one or the other. But hey, I’ve only been out once with each of them. The way I figure it, I have at least one more with each before I’m obligated to figure it the fuck out.
Side note: worst thing about dating is the need to wear eyeliner and mascara – or, really, to take those cosmetics off at the end of the night.