Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

I appear to have what I believe is a cold.  I believe that this is a cold, and not allergies, because Footloose has reported a scratchy throat, the appearance of which neatly coincides with the appearance of my congestion.  Further, two days prior to these happenings, CC reported similar symptoms, which I dismissed as allergies, and we hung out.  So either we all have allergies, or we all have an awful end-of-summer cold.  Breathing out of one nostril, it is not fun.

But so yes, the semester is off to an… interesting… start.


My classes are fabulous.  They are full of students (which may not seem like something to brag about, but given the situation of some of my colleagues, this is something to brag about), the students are enthusiastic and excited about the material, and my return to a MWF schedule remains the best decision I ever made.  I am very excited about what I will accomplish in the classroom this semester, and about what my students will accomplish.


Kind of on the back burner until mid-September, though I am going to try to get another article polished and submitted.

Grant applications:

I’m applying for two NEH grants, and I’m applying for an internal grant, too.  All of those deadlines will happen by October 1.

Promotion application:

I’m applying for full promotion, and that deadline is September 15.  I figure I’m about two thirds of the way done with putting all of that together, and I should be done-done by September 12.  The process is tedious and exhausting, and I am totally flying without a net since I’ve had virtually no mentoring and since we are moving to an electronic format for the first time.  I’m trying to convince myself it doesn’t matter if I get it.

Service and the institution:

This is where things get really interesting.  Lots of Big Initiatives and Big Changes afloat at my institution.  None of this is a surprise, though I fully expect many faculty to be SHOCKED and AFFRONTED and for the rumor mill to go into overdrive with paranoid conspiracy theories.  We hired a new president two years ago, and in that two years we have had a massive administrative turn over, as is typical.  We also have a new strategic plan, and we are coming up for our accreditation 5-year review.  And we are revamping our budget model – which dates back to the 1970s – and assessment is HAPPENING although most people outside of the Colleges of Business, Health Professions, and Education seem to have been unaware that this was coming (huh? what planet have they been on?).  And apparently we are also “revisiting” our General Education program.

And I apparently am going to be the Assessment Guru of my College.

It looks like I am back in the thick of things, in spite of my efforts to scale back over the past couple of years and to get the target off of my back.  Indeed, I feel like the target is large and red and has flashing lights.

Whatever.  If I learned anything from my work on curriculum a few years ago, I can handle a target on my back.  I will live to fight another day, whatever this academic year holds.  I’m not sure that others will be able to say the same.


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The Year of 40

So, I am officially 40 now, even though I started celebrating 3 weeks early.  And, to my surprise, I have been carded four times when attempting to purchase alcohol in that time, and one of those times the young whippersnapper cashier at Kroger actually disputed my ID – I said, “No, I just had short hair then,” and he said, “I know this is you, but there is no way you were born in 1974.  I was thinking 1982 tops, but more like 1985.”  I also have had a bunch of people randomly comment positively on how great I look.  I can only put it down to the fact that I am wearing heavy bangs and they cover my forehead wrinkles?

In other news, professional things proceed apace.  I am totally overwhelmed and busy, but all goes well.

And then there is the whole “dating two guys” thing.  Footloose and The Mailman remain in the picture, and I’ve been out on three dates a piece with them.  Of those three dates per suitor, I have cooked dinner for each once.  I think they are both great, in equal and opposite ways.  One is very cool, and he inspires me to be cooler.  One is very relaxed, and he inspires me to be very relaxed. Those are just two examples.  Who the fuck knows.

But if you would have told me that I would be dating two great guys and feeling great about my professional life and have a great crew of friends and feel like there are too many great things to do to the extent that I am exhausted (though righteously so) at 40 years old, say, when I was 38?  I would not have believed you.

Turns out, 40 is the most fabulous age ever.  First day of school is tomorrow.  I should be asleep, but alas, I got totally off schedule over the summer.  The good news is my first class is at 11 AM tomorrow, and I got totally ready for Day 1 and 2 when I went into the office on Saturday.

Random thing: If you’re not watching The Witches of East End on lifetime, and if you were a Buffy fan?  YOU SHOULD BE.

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What shall his pseudonym be?  My mom immediately began calling him “Footloose” when I told her about him, for apparently “Minister’s Son from Nebraska” to her translates directly into Kevin Bacon using the bible to convince a town to allow the dancing.  At any rate, I cannot decide something of this magnitude right now, but it may be that “Footloose,” unfortunately, will stick.

So we had our second date tonight, which was, as the first date was, absolutely perfect.  I have to say, I have never gone out with anybody like him.  Which is saying something, particularly given the fact that I have gone out with like 20 different men in the past year. He is “both a gentleman and yet not… “nice.”  I mean, he doesn’t put on the whole “I’m a nice guy” thing.  If I were to pick the top adjectives to describe him, I would say he is friendly, direct, interesting, genuine, thoughtful, confident, driven, and smart.  He isn’t terribly funny – like he’s not a “funny guy” – but I laugh a lot when I am with him. And I really love talking to him.  There is never an awkward pause, and it never feels like we are doing “date conversation.”  And while he’s not an academic, because he’d been on that path and then veered off it, I never have to explain anything to him.  It’s just… easy.  And FUN.

I will say, I do feel a little off balance with him.  Like, I know he is interested in me, but I’m not certain about how interested he is.  He isn’t demonstrably enthusiastic.  And since I am a person who is, just generally, enthusiastic, I don’t quite know how to read people who aren’t.  I mean, I know that he wants to see me again, and I know that he is attracted to me, but I am having a hard time judging the level of his interest.  What is probably the truth is that he is just taking things slowly – though not too slowly at all!  I think he is enjoying getting to know me, actually.  And I am enjoying getting to know him, so I need to get out of my head.

Of course, part of the reason that I’m in my head is because I am also dating the Mailman.  Who clearly is enthusiastic about me, even though I am pretty clearly, I realize now, “meh” about him.  I mean, I like him and I enjoy spending time with him, but it’s not, like, awesome.  I feel like I will go out with each of them one more time, and then I should be in a position to know for sure what I want.  What I think right now is that the Mailman feels like a Plan B, and I am not really a Plan B sort of person.  But I don’t want to act hastily, so I’ll just have to see how things develop (or not).

But, man, was tonight great.  Great, great, great.


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So I realized today that it is somewhere near my TENTH blogiversary. That’s right, readers, Dr. Crazy has been at this whole blogging thing for ten years just about now. I don’t recall the actual date (for I’ve changed locations 2 times since the first version, and I can’t be bothered to figure out the actual date), just that I started at some point in July (during the Republican Convention I think?  I know there was convention blogging, in part about a bizarre fixation I had on Tucker Carlson at that time, and I surely was seeing a fellow whom I named “Stupid Freud”) of 2004, assuming that I would quit almost immediately.  But I didn’t quit.  I still haven’t quit.  Weird, huh?

Lots of people from when I started are now gone, or mostly gone.  Indeed, a lot of those people from the very early days are now my facebook friends and that is how I keep in touch with them. But along the way new people have found their way here, too.  I don’t look at stats at all anymore, because I guess I don’t need to know that people are reading?  And/or I’m not paranoid about who is reading? And I am totally open now about claiming the blog as something that I write, in a way that I surely wasn’t in early days.  How I figure it now is that most everybody in the world knows who I “really” am, and that is really ok.

Although, to be fair, I did learn from BFF that she met a person at a conference who was talking about my blog and who didn’t know who I was, so I suppose there are still some people out there for whom Dr. Crazy is a mystery.  Why have I never gone public for real?  Well, a couple of things.  First, I think people like a Dr. Crazy being out there, and I think it would change things for them if I explicitly outed myself.  As Dr. Crazy, I can be an “everywoman” of sorts. Second, I do think that it would change the way that I write and the kinds of things that I write about if this site were the first thing that came up with googling my real-life name. I’m not saying I’ll never reveal my real-life identity in an explicit way, but I suppose I’m not sure what the value of that would be for this space, at least not right now. I have never seen my blogging as a professional vehicle – in fact, what I loved about it was that it WASN’T a line on the cv – and I really am not interested in seeing it as that. So who knows what the future holds, but this is it, for the time being.  If you’re dying to know who I am in real life I’ll tell you, and if you find out who I am I don’t actually care.  But I think there is value in the “character” of Dr. Crazy, as it were.

But so once upon a time, Michael Berube (and I can’t be bothered to do the accent marks properly, because I am lazy, but he is delightful and generous so I know he won’t judge me) wrote a blog post about my very first Dr. Crazy incarnation, in which he described my blog as “raw.”  And, well, looking back, that blog WAS raw.  I was a newly minted Ph.D. and I was only a year into a tenure-track gig (and I only defended my dissertation a week before my contract started for that job).  And blogging was this new and uncharted territory way back in 2004, and lotsa people were writing “raw” blogs, and I ended up blogging on a whim and the whole point, or so I saw it at the time, was to confess the TRUTHS of what it was to be an assistant professor, and the TRUTHS of feeling alienated and at sea in a new place, and oh, who the fuck knows, but that was what I was doing.  And then somebody threatened to out me, and I decided that I should acknowledge that threat and yet not acquiesce to it but yet move to a different space to signal that I would be slightly less raw.  And then I earned tenure and was on sabbatical and thought that I needed to move to yet another space to acknowledge that transition.  And so here I am now.

And what I realize is this: I no longer write a “raw” blog.  That said, I don’t think it’s fully cooked either.  I think that I give a par-boiled representation of things these days.  I still care about personal writing, about authentic and not-for-publication, not-for-reputation writing, but the reality is that since I’ve earned tenure I know a lot more, and I have a lot more to say, but I also feel much more limited in what I can say authentically on a blog.  Tenure does not give you license to say anything anywhere anytime. It gives you the privilege to fight certain battles, and it gives you the authority to do certain things at your institution.  But, frankly, it also gave me a lot more information than I had before, and a lot of that information is stuff I can’t just bitch about on a blog.  In some ways, I am much more careful about what I say on-blog post-tenure.  And in some ways, I actually think that this is the right thing.  I’m not sure that I believe anymore in the whole CONFESSING THE TRUTHS thing.  I realize now that what I think is true is a fuck of a lot more contingent and that there are things I certainly don’t know.

That said, I still try, in this space, to TELL the truth, if not to confess it or to preach it.  If that makes sense.

So yeah, I am considering this my blogiversary post, even though it might be early or late from the actual date. And I hope that this blog is still entertaining for people, or helpful to people, or whatever, even though I recognize that I am kind of a shitty blogger these days, in terms of frequency and even in terms of the interest-level of my posts.  And also that I recognize that only Comrade Physioproffe is interested in my golf-blogging 🙂 (By the way: we finally used the drivers today, and while it is not my best skill, as long as I manage not to have anybody watching me and I don’t actually allow myself to think I do ok.)

Ten fucking years, people.  How is that even possible?!?!

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Did he plagiarize? YES.

Should he be called out for plagiarizing? YES. (And all of us teachers can use this as a great example when we talk about plagiarism with our students, which for me is the only productive takeaway from this.)

Am I going to be a Zizek apologist on this one? NO.

But I will admit that what is most interesting to me about this whole “scandal” is that I suspect that a lot of this sort of thing goes on in academic journals, particularly when we’re talking about reviews, which don’t really “count” as publications.  If we went through every review in every academic journal, and if we scrutinized each and every one, I feel like (and no, I don’t have evidence, for this is a feeling) we would find a lot of language that is repeated without attribution, not because that is ok (for it is NOT) but rather because of sloppy scholarship and, frankly, sloppy work on the part of editors.  Honestly, in this case I wondered whether the blog that originally published the language that Zizek used actually got that language from a third source, The Source of It All.


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So I am taking some golf lessons, with my pal T who is awesome. So part of what’s great is that she’s great, and we are great and fun, and whatever.  BUT, my initial thoughts:

  1. Everybody always talks about how they suck at golf, so it’s totally ok to suck at golf.
  2. It is one of the few sports that encourages driving around (a) and drinking alcohol while playing (b)

Thoughts after my first of 5 lessons about why it’s great:

  1. It’s like knitting.  It’s all about teaching your body to have sense memories of things that don’t come naturally.  I just need to mentally convince my body to do the things, and then to do them without thinking about them in my head, and it will HAPPEN.
  2. I am far ahead of the game of the D00dz in the class, who have to unlearn all of their bad habits.  I may suck, but I am not doing it wrong.  I have nothing to unlearn because I don’t know anything!
  3. I am really good at following directions that have no reasonable rationale, and I have exceptional persistence.
  4. I don’t care at all if I look dumb if it gets the desired results.

So our teacher, Miles, tells us that people care most about hitting the ball farther and about being consistent in the way that they hit the ball. I don’t care about these things.  What I care about is having fun with my lady friends and about outmatching The Dude when we go golfing (which we shall, for he loves golf, and we pretend to be friends).  All I want is to have fun with my laydeez and to beat The Dude’s ass into the ground.  These are not lofty goals.

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My trip was really and truly wonderful.  As a trip.  Best flying experiences I’ve ever had (on “full flights” I sat with no one both to and from Milan!) and, just, Italy!  So good.

Things I discovered on my travels:

1) I know how to cook pasta and risotto perfectly.  I thought this was true, but it’s nice to have it confirmed.

2) Gay Pride celebrations all over the world include the celebration of Lady Gaga.

3) I am never more American or more Catholic than when I am outside of the United States.  Mass at the Duomo in Milan was one of my favorite parts of my trip.

4) In spite of the fact that my hotel was halfway up a mountain, I did love the family that owns and runs it.  (Really, it was more like a B&B than a hotel.)  And the fact that it was halfway up a mountain meant that eating gelato at minimum daily, if not twice daily, was totally something I felt no guilt about.

5) I apparently look far younger than my nearly 40 years!  And it is so nice to be told that! Over and over again!

Other than that, the trip was very productive for work and ideas, even if it wasn’t as super-fun as I might have wished it would be.  This is not a conference I will attend again, unless I have a Very Good Reason.  Just not fun enough.  Which might be why people don’t work as much on the author that this conference celebrated, frankly.  Stuffy sticks in the mud don’t necessarily attract scholarly interest in the things that they like.  Indeed. (Though I did meet some people I really liked a ton… just this is not the “vibe” of the group as a whole.)  Lest you think I am being unfairly judgmental, I will cite as evidence the fact that in nearly every panel and keynote I attended somebody cited F.R. LEAVIS without irony or any sort of qualification.


And so now I am home, and the kitties are grand.  There was a lot of meowing initially, which I believe could be translated along the lines of, “WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN FOR TEN DAYS WE ARE LONELY AND WE DON’T EVEN KNOW THAT YOU ARE COMMITTED TO BEING OUR CARETAKER AND THIS IS TERRIBLE AND LET US TELL YOU ALL OF THE THINGS!!!!!”  Now, they sleep peacefully.

So I’ll write more in the coming days – lots to do between now and mid-August! – but I shall leave you with this gorgeous picture, perhaps the favorite one I took throughout my travels.  Truly, I think that this was the most gorgeous place I’ve ever visited.


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