So, I realized today (quite unexpectedly, surprisingly) that The Dude and I have known one another for a full year, as of today.
Many things are the same, and yet there are many more things that are radically different – in part because of the relationship then break-up, but in part just because the passage of time renders change.
I am feeling nostalgic and wistful: I’ll never feel with him the anticipation that I felt then. I’ll never be able to be excited about him again the way that I was then.
I am also feeling glad: I know him now. I like the him that I know and I wouldn’t trade that for the anticipation and the excitement.
We aren’t together. We may never be. Then if felt meant; now it feels precarious. But he’s in my life a year later. Nothing I ever expected when we met. Indeed, I was incredibly cynical about love and about the possibility of anybody ever sticking around, then. He’s stuck. Like gum on my shoe! Ha!
But he’s apparently stuck. For good or for bad.
And last year I willfully excluded the possibility of bad. Now? Let’s just say that the bad is a real possibility to me, and that makes me sad.
Whatever. The Man-Kitty is intermittently snoring and meowing in his sleep next to me, and that is so adorable that I can’t continue feeling sorry for myself on this here blog.