I know, I know, none of my bloggy peeps are wicked stepmothers, but imagine that you are. Like you are a truly evil and malevolent force, and you made it your job to be awful to your husband’s child from his previous marriage for approximately 24 years, starting when she was just 11 years old. Let’s just say.
And let’s say that your Final Wicked Act toward your stepdaughter was to fail to invite said stepdaughter to her own father’s funeral. Oh, I was invited (kind of) to the calling hours (as no one else from his family, including my grandmother, was) but yeah, I found out that there was an actual service from his hospice person… who was invited and just assumed that I was… at the calling hours.
Do you really think that your stepdaughter wants to hear from you on her birthday? Like, “Hey, you know what would be great? If I heard from a person who treated me like shit for most of my life! What a way to celebrate turning 39!”
Last year she mailed a card. I threw it away unopened. This year she sent me a Facebook message, which I’ve still not been able to bring myself to read, let alone to respond to.
Let’s note: I don’t wish this woman any harm. She cared for my father through his final (horrible) illness, and I do believe that she has done her best to be a good mother to my half-brothers. I appreciate those things, and respect them. And I recognize that her Wicked Ways had as much to do with my dad as they had to do with any innate evil in her dark, black soul. And, to be fair, there were times that she did try to develop some sort of positive relations between us, only after everything else they always seemed to be manipulations and ultimately never to have very much to do with my happiness but rather with the image she wanted to have of herself as not a terrible person and of her “family” as not fucked up. And I’m a grown-up, and I do get that people are flawed, and in another time and place, and with somebody who wasn’t me, she might have been just fine. I’m not nursing some grudge against this woman, wishing her bad tidings.
I just am not interested in cultivating any sort of relationship with her. I prefer to think of her as a person I knew once and to whom I have nothing much to say. If I ever saw her again, I would be willing to say hello and make small talk. But only for about five minutes.
A big clue to my feelings might be the fact that I have had absolutely no contact with her since March of 2009. And I honestly feel quite put upon that she keeps trying to initiate contact with me – ON MY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY! – putting me in a position where I feel like I’m “supposed” to respond to her – either by being kind OR by telling her to go to hell. I don’t think I owe this woman the courtesy of any response. I think, frankly, that she should just accept that I am not a person in her life. It’s really just that simple.
Except, of course, if it were that simple I’d have deleted the message as soon as I received it, and I wouldn’t have it hanging out in my inbox, and I wouldn’t be wondering whether I should read it.