I am a person, historically, who has great difficulty with 1) not getting all riled up when contentious items are discussed in a meeting and 2) not speaking my mind about those contentious issues. This has been a problem for me throughout my career – beginning in graduate school (seriously), continuing through my pre-tenure years (though I worked really, really hard – sometimes even successfully – to control my impulses during that time), and coming into full flower in my years since earning tenure.
But in the past year or two, I’ve realized that the only person I’m hurting by giving into those impulses to get Riled Up and to Speak My Mind is myself. See, it turns out that my righteous indignation and impassioned speeches have not tended, most of the time, to make a real difference in things that are stupid. And when they have made a difference, I’ve often had to pay for the difference that was made in the form of bearing the brunt of various kinds of blame, more work, and less job satisfaction. So, I’ve been trying to mold myself into a “new, serene me.”
Today, I think that I reached a new milestone in my quest for serenity. See, I knew that a particular discussion item on an agenda promised to be tense – that the discussion might even become shouty. So I brought my most complicated lace project that I’m knitting to this meeting. Oh happy day! The meeting was tense, and some people did get a little exercised. But not me! I was focused on yarning over and slip-slip-knits and kitting two and three together! Purling purling purling on the even rows! I listened, and I had opinions about what was said, but my hands were busy. I made one comment – and it was productive. Otherwise, I kept my head down, stitching away. (Note: I wonder if in a less egalitarian time historically if this is how women used their handcrafts – to allow them not to lose their minds at things that pissed them off.)
Now, nothing was decided as a result of that discussion, and nothing was accomplished either. By staying out of it for the most part, I didn’t shirk any responsibility, nor did I just check out of the discussion – I was very engaged in listening. What I did accomplish, though, was keeping my head cool and getting through 6 rows of my pattern. And further: I was not the most angry person in that meeting!
Will anything actually happen with this contentious issue? Maybe something will, but not before next academic year, if at all, and if it really comes up for something more than discussion, like in the form of a voting item, that will be my moment to sound off. But for now? I am so happy that I didn’t get provoked.
Reassigned Time 2.0 
You were not wasting time in the meeting. 🙂
Did your knitting stitches get tighter during the more annoying parts of the meeting and looser when it was calmer?
One of my colleagues knits or crochets at every meeting, and it seems to really help her keep her cool. Maybe I should start doing that, too. I tend to mouth off too much, and it’s not going to help my tenure bid.
Hello Madame defarge!
Since getting tenure, I have taken to bringing a sudoku or similar puzzle to occupy not only my hands but also part of my brain during meetings. Perhaps I should take up knitting. Is it hard?
I am an academic, just post-tenure. I knitted an entire sweater last year by bringing my knitting to meetings. I only knit in meetings and by April the whole sweater was done. That’s either great knitting news or a sad commentary on the time spent in mostly unproductive meetings. : )
I learnt the exact same lesson a couple years ago, but…
My main committee’s chair HATES knitting, so I’m not allowed to do it in his meetings.
My Head of Department considers it unprofessional, so I’m only allowed to do it when no-one from outside the department is present.
But I’m a MUCH nicer, more professional committee member if I have my knitting… I don’t get why it’s OK to play with your blackberry or netbook or i-thingie (popular among male colleagues), or read your mail, but NOT to knit.
JaneB, I told my chair that I would be knitting and he needed to consider it part of universal design for learning. I explained that I pay better attention with it than without, that I’m not being distracted by reading (emails and texting), and that I wasn’t asking permission, just letting him know. I’m in education and framed knitting as something I need to be at my most productive in meetings. I was really careful to be actively contributing the first few times I had knitting with me to demonstrate my attention to the meeting content. He hasn’t said anything about it. I hope your chair gets over it!
“not allowed”
I’m confused about how that works in academia. What if you just knit? What can he do?
Holy shit. Maybe that’s what I need. Given that my new department chair totally undermined me in our first meeting, and, when I wrote to point it out as nicely as possible, told me that he understood *I* thought something was a crisis, but he didn’t agree… and then, when I called him on being patronizing and dismissive, told me that nothing he could do would improve my colleagues’ opinion of me …
Apparently, I am always right (I’d disagree). And, in those contentious meetings, I engage in contentious topics that upset people, AND I’m right. But it antagonizes people and I don’t have to do it.
Maybe I would feel less compelled to speak up if I were knitting. Of course, that will make it sort of awkward when people turn around to look at me to see if I’m going to say something.
Knitting is great in meetings, and I love the way some men are disconcerted. Oohhh – a great plan for the three days of budget meetings this week. As long as I’ve cast on first, it’s ok!
It sounds as though meetings in general might be more productive if everyone would knit. Good for you!
I am trying to learn the opposite — not to hold my tongue. When I do, I am effectively agreeing to whatever is decided and every time I have done this against my better judgment I have come to regret it.
[…] Some people are learning not to speak up and in academia, this is typically how one is coached: do not say anything, all you will do is ruin your credibility as a reasonable person. […]
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