It all began with an attempt to respond to about a thousand emails in an expeditious fashion.
You see, I’ve been trying really hard not to do email on the weekends. Because, you know, the whole trying to have a meaningful personal life thing. (By the by, I met The Dude’s parents, and it was very nice indeed, and so that particular bridge is now crossed. That’s all I’m going to say about that, as I’m still processing, and as I have other things that are in the forefront of the analysis-prone part of my brain, so I’m not processing quickly. Suffice it to say, it’s all good for the moment.)
And then, because I was trying to respond to email expeditiously, I committed, totally accidentally, the one true sin of email: I hit “reply all” when I meant just to hit “reply.”
Now, you might be thinking, did Crazy write something outrageous? Did she insult somebody thinking the email conversation was private? Did she go off on a crazy rant? Did she tell a secret, or pass along gossip?
Nope. All I did was accidentally hit “reply all” when I wrote back to my chair, nominating myself for Important Committee. See, the members of the Important Committee are elected – except for the chair of that committee. The chair of the committee rotates alphabetically, and I’m due to be chair of it in a couple of years. But I thought to myself, “Self, it might be good if you got yourself elected so that maybe you would have some experience on Important Committee before you are the chair of it.” And when I wrote this fateful email, I wrote just that: “I nominate myself because I think it would be good if I’ve served on the committee before I chair it.”
I intended nothing passive-aggressive, and I said nothing outrageous. I just explained why I was nominating myself – with no ulterior motive other than that I feel like when you run for something you offer an explanation for why you’re running. And I thought that I was just replying to my chair.
Little did I know that this innocuous email, which yes, went to everybody in the department but said basically nothing, would light a spark that would turn into a full-on three-alarm fire.
Approximately 875 emails later (some to the department as a whole, some directly to me personally, some secretly forwarded correspondence, some BCC’ed), I do believe that it now looks like *I* am the person who has turned this into a Thing, and that I did so on purpose for some nefarious reason. (Remember: just last April a group of my colleagues decided they needed to get together to start a secret “group” – don’t call them a committee! they aren’t a committee! Even if they are doing things committees do and the department administration gave them the go-ahead to do these things! – to wrest all of the gobs of power I have from my fascist hands… even though I’d already quit the [incredibly time-consuming and mostly unrewarding] service position that made me their target.)
On the whole, I’m fairly philosophical about this situation. First, I am not the person (people) who has pressed this into a Full-On Thing, and I had no intention for it to become a Full-On Thing. And I am confident it will blow over, as all Crazy Things That Happen in April, the Cruelest Month in Higher Education, ultimately do. (Seriously: So. Much. Bullshit. comes to pass in April. I can’t think of a single April in the past 9 years in which something fucked up has not come to pass in my department.)
But I am annoyed by the fact that I appear to have started it. (I mean, I kind of did start it, but without any knowledge that I was starting it! I don’t deserve the blame! Yes, my email was the first shot, but it was friendly fire! It wasn’t on purpose!) And I am annoyed that subsequent emails to the whole department (from my chair) seem to insinuate that this is My Issue, when it’s not really, even though the people who have turned this into An Issue are totally right!
Here’s the thing: doesn’t everybody realize that I am doing everything in my power to be affable and to check the fuck out? That I am not interested in the political maneuvering for power within my department? That I just don’t care about that right now? And, in fact, I never really have? I mean, sure, I like to accomplish things, but I don’t care about being in power! Caring about that seems stupid to me! Maybe I need to announce to the department at the beginning of our meeting in 10 days’ time that I am too busy being in love to start shit about the department handbook on purpose? (My department would probably burst into a round of fucking applause if I did, but no, I’m not doing that, in spite of the advantages that it would afford me.)
I’m also annoyed, conversely, by the fact that I’m sure if I’d intended to start something, people probably would have just blown it off.
But, so, whatever. Let this be a lesson to us all. Be vigilant about the “reply all” thing. It’s a motherfucker.
Reassigned Time 2.0 
Good grief.
I know, right?
Jeez, Louise!!
English departments = Teh Crazy.
Yeah… wtf is it with people? Apparently, I’m also totally that power hungry person, who wants to Take Over The Department, The University, and The Universe!! You can tell, because I respond to directives from above by waiting three days to see if anyone else suggest how we handle it, and then finally swear a lot to myself and hurl myself into the breach by writing an email asking what my colleagues want to do.
*le sigh*
ADM – We clearly aim to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
Your department sounds like mine (including the “secret committee” and the other assorted drama). Not looking forward to the end of this sabbatical…
Obviously! If they only knew… all I really want is a clean house, to go to the gym regularly, to sleep well on a regular basis, and perhaps to have sex again at some point in the future.
Ok… actually, I’d like colleagues who talk to me, and who don’t think it’s abnormal to discuss things like course offerings, schedules, curriculum, assessment, etc. And maybe to see the last season of Deadwood.
Occasionally you will encounter people in this profession who see nefarious plots when a statement of fact is combined with a recommendation—for example, when someone says, “Given that your sister’s birthday will occur in five days, you ought to buy her a card,” or, “Because the rules say that Crazy will chair this committee in two years, Crazy ought to serve on the committee next year.” Each statement can be re-phrased in a way that is neutral as to who is involved (think John Rawls’s veil of ignorance): “If the birthday of A is five days away, and A expects a card from B, then B ought to buy a card”; “If the rules dictate that C will chair the committee in two years, then C ought to serve on the committee next year.” Why can’t C be the person to observe that C ought to be on the committee, particularly if C can at the same time testify to the fact that C is willing? I had a colleague at one of my universities who believed that I was devising machiavellian schemes, even if I had merely quoted from the faculty handbook.
It’s funny how without knowing any context I thought “oh shit,” when you said you accidentally hit reply all. Sucks.
That College Misery blog is stealing your work again!! collegemisery.com
CR, you are too quick for the authors of CM. We thought that providing a link and following the blog’s attribution policy would hide the fact that we are stealing her work. And we would have gotten away with it if not for you meddling commenters!
heh — that whole “quoting from the faculty handbook” gets me in trouble all the time…
Quoting from departmental by-laws = also dangerous! I was recently told that what the by-laws say doesn’t matter–what REALLY matters is what some guy who used to be department head says we ought to do (even though said dude is retired!).
BB, that sounds like a Scooby Doo ending – sweet.
CR, I think you need to join the 21st century and learn the ins and outs of the online world, so that you correctly use the word “stealing” (e.g. what you learned as a child when your older brother took your lollipop from you), particularly when commenting on a blog with an attribution policy where the attribution policy has been followed…
CR – I am linked, and the post is not represented as somebody else’s writing. My complaint last time was that someone else submitted a post that I wrote to that blog, pretending that they had written it, or that they were me, or whatever, and the administrators of the blog couldn’t get it through their heads that I wouldn’t want to have my pseudonymous writing appear under a different pseudonym on their blog in order to get a wider audience for my writing (which, of course, would not link back to my blog).
Beaker Ben – Obviously CM has credited me appropriately. There is no need for you to be snide in this comment thread.
And MazerHam, I don’t do the whole insulting other commenters here at this blog, so you know what? Zip it.
Sure, whatever you say, Crazy Anonymous Professor on the Interwebs!
Oh, Dr. Crazy: haven’t you learned yet? Any displays of mere competence in women clearly mean that you’re a power-mad bitch who needs to be put in her place. (Love Nancy Warren’s comment about the Faculty Manual. Priceless!)
Well, this is just one big pile of awesome. Are we all in the same damn department? Just found your blog, am loving reading through.
I am not connected to your department and do not know you but this is a really good blog post. It came up when I was looking for ways to deal with out of control emailing persons, forwarding my emails to unintended recipients. You should write it up as an editorial and send it to the New York Times.
Dr. Malmgren, Seattle
Bitches be trippin!