Let me preface this post with the acknowledgment that there are very good reasons why I don’t rule the world, and why I should never be allowed to rule the world, which mainly have to do with my lack of patience, my tendency to be bossy and condescending, and my habit of not knowing precisely when I should shut up – or of knowing that I should shut up and saying more anyway.
But so anyway, if I ruled the world, here would be some rules that I would institute:
1) No meetings will exceed 60 minutes. EVER.
2) The moment that you propose something at a meeting that reveals you didn’t do your homework? That moment of revelation is the moment that you are forcibly silenced, and you can only continue to speak once you have done the necessary homework. (In other words, maybe – MAYBE – during the next meeting.)
3) No item on the agenda should take more than 15 minutes. Most items should take less than 7 minutes.
4) Voting items should precede discussion items; items that might someday come to a vote should precede items that will never get their shit together to be votable.
5) The point of a meeting is not to “discuss” – it is to “propose” and to “decide.” If what you want is discussion, go fucking talk to your colleagues when it’s convenient for you and for them. And then come up with something concrete to propose, and we’ll talk about that at one meeting, and then after we’ve done that, we’ll decide on it at the next one. Stop fucking wasting my time with ideas that you haven’t fully formulated. Seriously: that is not the point of a meeting of the whole department.
As you can tell from these five points, I really can’t rule the world. Lots of people would feel that I am a fascist. But that said? Wouldn’t you all like it better if I did rule the world? I mean, seriously!