Blah blah blah, things with The Dude are actually fine, for now, I think, blah blah blah.
But as we edge closer to the three month mark (which we all know is a point of stress), which just so happens to coincide with freaking Valentine’s Day (which we all know is a point of stress), and it’s freaking winter with inclement weather (stressful when neither of us typically ventures out of our small-range Zone of Commuting), plus it’s the start of my spring semester (dammit), this is not an ideal time in our budding romance. Plus he has a fucking old dog. (An old dog who loves me, and I love her, for what it’s worth, but really, he is ridiculous about her.) Plus I have the boy-kittehs (about whom I’m less ridiculous, but not in the way that he is about Little Mama). All of this makes for complications in Emotions, Commuting, and Obligations.
Oh, and The Dude, personality-wise, is really inhospitable to Change. (Yes, I know we all are. I am. But I’m a person who moved to a place where I didn’t know anybody, three times. I’m a person who has traveled widely on my own – even if there was a conference at the end of it where I’d know some folks. My “not good with change” is not the same as a guy’s “not good with change” who lives in the shitty town where he grew up and who primarily is still friends with the D00ds he grew up with and who hasn’t gone anywhere other than to visit friends – who he grew up with – in places like Florida.) This is one issue.
But the bigger issue is the fact that The Dude doesn’t do well with pressure from outside forces. That sort of pressure, plus the promise of Change, really does a number on him. So.
All of his people (friends, family) appear to know I exist. This is good, really, as I’ve gone out with the guys who keep me a secret, and that is bogus. So yay, the people know of me. Whatever. But apparently, his people are Very Interested in the fact that I have remained around for this length of time. And they are expressing that to him. Which, I do believe, is making him a bit… skittish. Ok, whatever, not a big deal really. Nobody can believe he’s still around with me either. Except.
This weekend his freaking sister-in-law was interrogating him about me, and apparently learned my age, and was all, “Well, what’s happening? Her clock must be ticking !
First, DUDE! Give an old sister a break, sister-in-law who has yet to meet me! Second, as I said to The Dude when he told me this, “People need to keep their noses out of my vagina.” (This made him a little uncomfortable, the idea of his sister-in-law’s nose in my vagina.) Third, as I followed up to The Dude, “that’s a conversation I would have with YOU before I’d have it with some random person I’ve never met! This is not a Topic at the present time!”
Look, I get the pressure he’s feeling, and I get why it is making him feel the need to Slow Things Down, but if what they want is to get him settled, this is not the way to make that happen, at least if I’m in the mix, because, frankly, he feels pressure and he runs for the hills, and while I get his running for the hills when he feels pressure, his running for the hills pisses me off, and it makes me run for the hills, because fuck this bullshit that has nothing really to do with me. Basically, leave it alone, well-meaning The Dude people! If you scare him off, I’m going to be scared off, and then once I’m scared off, it’s OVER! I’m 38 and childless and never been married for a reason! Don’t scare me off! I will not stick around for this rigamarole!
Shit, I just want him to get over the fear of change and bring Little Mama over to my house so that sleep-overs can happen at my house. I love that he takes good care of his dog, but I hate his place, and the whole “dog trumps cats” business is my biggest problem right now, not whether or not we’re going to be together forever or have a fucking baby.
Dammit, his sister-in-law doesn’t understand my priorities at all. Nor, because of her, does he. In spite of the fact that I have articulated them very clearly.