So yes, there is a guy. It’s only been a couple of weeks, but it’s been a fast couple of weeks. I still don’t want to say too much about it, because it’s very, very new, and I’m still trying (albeit unsuccessfully) not to read too much into anything or to anticipate too much. But. Yes, there is a guy, and yes, he is delightful. So far.
What I suppose I will write about, though, is the fact that this has, totally, blind-sided me. A couple of months ago… I thought I wrote this on the blog but I can’t easily find it, so maybe it was just in my head… I decided that I just wanted to get my book done and to focus on my personal life later. Mainly because I’m so close to the book manuscript being drafted, and why not just knock it out, and then I can worry about the other stuff later? I mean, what’s the difference? I’ve postponed the personal life stuff for this long: why not give myself a few more months? Really, what would the big deal be? I’ve got great friends and a great social life and I didn’t feel like I was missing a thing in the world.
In fact, I’ll go further: I wasn’t missing a thing in the world. I was great. And once I made that decision, sure, I went on a terrible date with a guy who didn’t know who the Beastie Boys were and who, when I tried to ask him what sort of music he liked said, without missing a beat, “Phil Collins” and then (because I must have made a horrified face) “Collective Soul.” But that wasn’t a big deal, because I wasn’t really interested in dating anyway. I’m writing a book, yo. Who cares about dudes. And that was a great terrible date story.
But then, from out of the blue (except not really, really from out of the internet) comes the most exceptional dude ever (or so it seems right now). A guy to whom I told the story of the “Phil Collins” date, and who now bursts into Phil Collins songs at appropriate moments just to tease me. For example, this one (which is actually kind of awesome), about which I’d forgotten:
A guy who loves his geriatric shitzu mix whom he acquired from his parents ten years ago, a guy who makes me laugh and who likes all the right music and movies. Sure, his taste in books isn’t grand, but who cares? I have all the taste in books any couple could ever need!
And I met him within my One True Love Falling in Love Window (Oct. 15 through Dec. 1 – check it: I have never been really in love with a person, aside from my first love, who didn’t appear in that window). And even though there are so many things that would make it seem like he wouldn’t be “appropriate”… he appears to be entirely perfect in all the ways that really and truly matter to me.
So. Yeah. That’s freaking crazy. He’s a little crazy. But then, so am I. (And yes, he knows about Dr. Crazy, but the great thing is that he doesn’t care at all about Dr. Crazy.)
My heart might get well and thoroughly broken with this business. Don’t think I haven’t thought about that. But for the first time ever it appears that I like a person in the exact same proportion to how he likes me. And for the first time ever I don’t feel insecure or fucked up about getting involved with somebody. I just feel totally and completely happy. Which, of course, is why my heart might get well and thoroughly broken. And yet? I’m not preparing for that, which is normally what I do. I think that might be a good thing.
So that’s the story. I’ll return to my regular academic-related posting after this, because, seriously, people: this shit is private! But yes, I do believe I’m in love. Ridiculously in love.