I want to think that the reason I keep having to have titles like this is because of my fucked up schedule, and because I’m busy, and because it’s the end of the semester.
But seriously, folks, do you notice how the frequency of my posts has gone down? Because I do. And do you wonder whether this blog (and Dr. Crazy blogging) might have jumped the shark? Because I’ve been wondering that, even if you all haven’t.
I’m officially blogging at mid-career. Well, or at after-tenure career. And most of the shit that goes on at work and is most important now that I’m not junior I can’t really blog about. And I don’t have kids to blog about, and while I suppose I could turn this into a knitting blog, doing so would be jacked up because I only knit something brand new (like a brand new pattern) seasonally or so. It’s not that I don’t have a life, but I do have a life that is so problematic to blog about in any consistent and real way. And I don’t want to just blog about “topics of the day” or something, because, frankly, most frequently the news I watch is E! News, and even when I do absorb something of greater significance other people already blog about it better or more quickly. And I don’t want to just rant about things, even though it seems that’s all I do lately.
What is the fucking point of Dr. Crazy?
Honestly, I don’t know. And that’s weird because I used always to know why I wrote as Dr. Crazy and what her point was.
Is my problem just that I’m exhausted? Maybe, but it used to be the case that I would blog more frequently – not less – in times such as these. And then I’d slow down in the summer. If I slow down from my current levels this summer that would basically mean that I won’t blog. And if I do that… Am I just out? I don’t know.
I guess I just don’t know what I really have to say in this space anymore – or what I can say in this space anymore, probably more precisely. And I’ve thought about going public with my real-life identity – would that help? I don’t think so, actually, because all the things I can’t write about as Dr. Crazy I can’t write about as real-me either.
Basically, I’m stuck for topics. I’m stuck for ideas. I’m stuck for a thesis statement, as nearly all of my students are these days, too. And there are lots of things I want to say, but I can’t say them here. And there are probably things that I don’t want to say that I could say here, but I don’t have the energy to write them.
By the way, this isn’t me quitting this blog. This is just me being angsty and confused. And tired.
So if you read this blog, why do you do that? What do you want me to write about? Why do you show up here? For you, what is the point of Dr. Crazy?
Having asked that impossible question, here’s some music I’ve been obsessed with of late. Because why not?
Ha – I could have written this post! (Except for the whole post-tenure thing, unless post-tenure-track counts.) I am going through the same thing, although I think I’m posting even less than you are. I don’t want to just tell stories about my life (although I have no problem with other people doing that). I don’t knit well enough (or quickly enough) to make that the focus of my blog (even though I’m COMPLETELY OBSESSED with knitting these days). I can’t really talk about work at all, so I can’t really do the “what it’s like to be a lawyer” thing (especially since I’m not actually practicing right now). I don’t have anything in particular to add to discussions about politics. And, frankly, after spending ALL day sitting in front of the computer and writing, I don’t really want to do that when I get home. (It’s made me realize how much of my time was spent not writing when I was an academic… but that’s neither here nor there.)
So yes, I’ve just hijacked your comments to make it All About Me. But I do know exactly how you feel. I just don’t know what to do about it, so can’t give you any advice. But I completely understand. (And, to be a little less self-absorbed, I do wonder whether it’s just that the moment for blogging, the way it used to be, has passed.)
Well, I guess I started reading because I liked what you wrote about writing and your processes, and because the way you work sounds like the way I work, I found that sort of comforting but also useful to think about. And, I’m going to guess that one of the reasons you wrote about such things was that you were working out/ coming to realise what your writing process was. I think this because that’s what I used my blog for. I used it mainly to work out my thoughts on feminism as it applied in certain contexts/ to rant about injustice as I realised my position on certain issues – and these were all ideas and thoughts that resulted from the extensive reading and writing of feminism I was doing during and post PhD.
I stopped blogging when I no longer needed to do that. One, because it turns out that new injustices have old solutions, or rather I feel like I’m just repeating myself but with a newer example. And, I guess I’m unwilling to do that (although probably in the context of feminism this is actually necessary). And secondly the kind of writing I want to do now isn’t for that space. I want to spend my time trying to write my second and third books (never write two books simultaneously), to going deeper into those ideas, and I don’t think this current work lends itself to being worked out on my blog – or at least not on feminist avatar’s blog. Maybe this is also because the theory stuff (the thing I apply to my sources) I have got worked out, so a new blog would literally become here is my research summarised… and I do actually blog this but for a group history blog under my academic persona.
So I don’t think that this is because blogging is no longer for the here and now, but rather because I think blogging is often a selfish activity that serves a purpose in the articulation and creation of selfhood at particular moments of development and change. And sometimes that purpose comes to an end. And sometimes you can find a new purpose for writing.
Why I continue reading, however, is that I feel like I *know* Dr Crazy (even if that knowing is of a persona as much as a person) and I like to check in and see what she has to say, and to find out how she’s getting on. And, I think you have a strong voice on lots of things, including teaching, but also family and housebuying and cats… I also think that feminist avatar’s failure to create a personal persona on her blog, beyond her feminist thinking, limited its possibilities in ways that perhaps don’t apply here where your persona is more extensive and flexible?
I read because I am often a crazed, tired academic who finds great comfort in reading about the work (and otherwise) lives of other crazed, tired but motivated/motivating academics. I read because you’re ahead of me on the career trail and it’s interesting to gain various perspectives on what lies ahead. I think that you have strong and insightful things to say about teaching and about higher education in general, even if you can’t always write about the particulars of your institution/department. I read for inspiration–to keep going with my writing and teaching even when I don’t quite feel up to it. So thanks…and I hope you keep writing. (But since all my own blogging attempts in the past half decade have failed, I guess I can’t really request others stick with it!)
I’m a long-time lurker who comments very rarely but I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog for several years. I’m also an academic, at about the same career stage as you (a couple of years post-tenure) and also female, but our lives diverge around that point — I’m in a totally different discipline and in a different part of the country and in a different type of institution and with a different personal situation. And I read your blog to get some perspective. I am a big complainer, so it’s really good for me to see someone who deals with often a much worse hand and does it with a much better attitude than I do. When it comes down to it, I think I read your blog and a few others (Notorious PhD is another favorite of mine) for their attitude. Yes, it’s bitchy when it needs to be, but it is also extremely positive, in a dear-obstacle-don’t-get-in-my-way-or-you-will-be-sorry sort of way. The specific content could be teaching or service or research or personal life, it almost doesn’t matter. I just like what you have to say. I hope you keep saying it, but don’t force it if the well runs dry — you can always take a break and come back later without a huge declaration.
I often read your blog as well, but have never commented. I’m a new faculty member (7.5 months!) and ABD and I’ve been trying to find a way to navigate the academic world successfully. I love reading blogs like yours (and others) to get a different perspective on university life (I’m in a different discipline and country than you). I also know that I could not keep a blog but appreciate those who do. I would miss hearing your thoughts if you were to leave! :)
And I don’t want to just rant about things, even though it seems that’s all I do lately.
I vote in favor of ranting about shitte that makes you feel ranty. That’s what I find so entertaining about your blogge. You are an awesome ranter!
I stumbled upon your blog about a year ago when I was preparing for my first conference and was looking for advice about how to present on literature (since I’m most often surrounded by social scientists, this was not easy to find out). I knew there was this tendency for people in humanities to ‘read’ rather than ‘talk’ their papers but I didn’t want to simply adopt the norm because it was the norm – I wanted to know WHY this was the case. And your post on this issue was pretty much the only explanation I could find to satisfy this question.
Why I kept reading, however, is due to a complicated mixture of a) needing to be reminded why I want to subject myself to a future fighting my way through academia, b) giving myself a frequent reality check that I will indeed be fighting my way through and c) knowing that there are people out there who get why fighting this battle is worth it, since my immediate friends and family kind of think I’m crazy.
Not sure if that helped, but hopefully it at least satisfied my thesis statement, which was: keep writing, there are still people benefitting from it.
I’ve been at the same place myself this semester. My thought: don’t post unless I have something to say. So that means a hiatus or two. And when inspiration strikes, we’ll blog again. And people will be around, or they won’t. It’s all cool.
And people will be around, or they won’t.
It’s probably worth pointing out that people who use RSS feed readers won’t “go away” unless they delete your blogge feed from their readers. I don’t delete blogges from my reader unless the blogger has explicitly stated they are closing their blogge.
First time commenter here: I read your blog b/c I am about at the same place in my career and am also at an institution with a relatively high teaching load. I like hearing how you juggle things and honestly, I like the rants b/c then I don’t feel so alone. Academia can be so isolating and it is so helpful to hear how things are done (or not done!) at institutions that aren’t R1s.
Here’s the thing. I don’t care what you talk about. I like your voice. You could talk about cereal boxes and I would read.
Another anonymous person who just enjoys reading your blog, and (from a *completely* selfish perspective) hopes you continue.
Long time lurker — not sure if I ever commented here: I read the blog because you are actually sane and practical and someone I would love to work with. You have a real-world, let’s make it work attitude toward the issues you encounter; I so often find myself nodding while reading you.
How would I listen to your amusing rants about academic life if you stopped blogging? You and I don’t even go to the same conferences. Am I supposed to pester you on FaceTime and make you go talking-head for five minutes at a time? Far more efficient, I say, to keep blogging!
And yes, I recognize that you can’t rant about everything on your mind. I encourage you to find stuff, because it’s awesome to read. And meanwhile, I get good music from you.
You are funny and smart. And also honest. You blog about teaching and writing in ways I find refreshing and helpful to read.
OMG – please don’t leave! :) I’ve been reading you since I was a masters student, and continued when I entered a doctoral program, and still read you five years after I left the PhD track – I’m no longer in academia, but your blog has always been a reminder of both why I left and why I wish I hadn’t. You are the colleague/advisor/dean etc. that I wish I had encountered – perhaps I’d have stayed. As others have said, you are often the only sane and practical voice out there. But of course, do what you have to do! I just sure as hell am not removing you from my RSS feed. :)
Actually, you should be applauded for being responsible: now that you have tenure, “most of the shit that goes on at work” you cannot discuss, even if you use pseudonyms. The popularity of your blog may also make things more difficult. This is an old problem: how do we talk about what goes on in the academy when much of our information is confidential or citing it would hurt people unnecessarily?
If you can steer between these obstacles, your comments on academic matters may be all the more valuable. Frankly, I don’t want academic blogging left to the relative outsiders (assistant professors, adjuncts, grad students), and I don’t want the “senior blogging” that exists left to the condescending elders whose central message is “When you get to be me, you will understand.”
You write that there are “lots of things I want to say, but I can’t say them here.” Rather than use your real name, you might go in the other direction: start a new blog under a new pseudonym. I think this would be an overreaction, but I mention it anyway.
Your rants, I should add, are fair rants. Some faculty, and maybe a few bloggers, are the kind of people who wander through life being mystified by everything, and because they are mystified they fall into paranoia and omni-directional bitterness. You are not like that.
Just chiming in to say that I was nodding along as I read this. I’m having the same struggle. The job looks different, so many things that can’t be blogged about, and uncertainties about how interesting other things really are (or how public they should be) have kept me a lot quieter as well.
I am right there with you (and quite a few others) when it comes to blogging. I’m just not sure what I’m doing or why I’m doing it. As for why I read your blog: because you’re honest, amusing and thought-provoking. I’d hate to lose you but I completely understand where you are.
Like PG I’m nodding. I felt much the same after blogging a few years. Sure I was Just Tenured when I began and the blog chronicled my identity search afterwards but the process is much the same. After increasingly sporadic posts with month-long lapses I hung up my blogging pants. Now, whether this is for you is debatable. We all love your voice no matter what you blog about – work, life, or whatever. I’d hate to see you go, one of my few bloggy peers who is still here and still relevant
For some reason, so many years after you all started blogging (has it been 8 years now?), I still read your blog, along with Profgrrrrl’s and New Kid’s (oddly, these are the only blogs I read now–facebook has taken up the rest of my blog-reading/commenting time). I enjoy hearing about the changes that each of you has gone through (and the three of you have each had quite different trajectories–and somewhat different from my own). I’m just a few years ahead of you on the tenure-track, and very much appreciate hearing your perspective on work and on all the other stuff (being single, owning a home, having kitties). Okay, maybe I appreciate those things in particular since I’m in a somewhat similar situation! Anyway, thanks for the honest post (I’ve been wondering whether you were considering terminating the blog…. I hope you won’t do that! I’d miss your posts, but I guess I’d also understand).
I’m a bit in the same boat. But I think my blog is already changing, and probably will change more if I keep at it — and as long as I still have an urge to write something, I’m comfortable seeing how those changes evolve. For me, I suspect my blog will start involving more commentary on larger affairs in academia, news items, and that sort of thing. But we’ll see. (I’m also thinking about connecting my blog identity to my real identity in some low-key way.)
Here’s another thought: we’re all on the internet in multiple platforms now, so it’s not my sense that anyone expects (or, speaking for myself, even really wants) their favorite bloggers to be blogging five times a week, or whatever. I really value reading longer-form, more considered reflections, but I can get a taste of the lives of many of the bloggers I like, and hear their humorous daily observations, via Twitter and Facebook. So maybe we should think of our blogs as weekly or twice-weekly or occasional opinion columns?
I was first attracted to your blog because you referred to yourself as Dr. Crazy, and that is the way other high school teachers refer to me minus the “Dr.” Your blog is worth reading for two reasons. First, it offers an insight into what life as an English professor is like. The information you can share about your challenges in the department and else where on campus satiate my old desire to reach your level. Next, I enjoy reading your writing and hearing about what you and your students are writing about. As you can tell from this formulaic paragraph, my writing abilities are limited, and discussions on writing are useful. Finally, my recommendation for future post is to write about classic literature on any level you find suitable.
LONGtime lurker: what they all said. Your voice, insights, and arguments (along with those of lots of others like Flavia, Profgrrrrl, New Kid, and on and on) have been incredibly helpful in all the socialization stuff my grad program completely failed at. Now I’m 1st year TT, and having the perspective of people ahead of me in the process – or not – continues to be wonderful. In part that’s because blogs let us talk about the things we can’t (yet?) discuss with our colleagues. Some things are unbloggable, but some things are only bloggable… (Yes, I know. I have to start my own blog.)
Well I suppose now that you are part of the establishment you can blog to reinforce the reigning orthodoxy of the academy. But, that might be boring. Fortunately, I am quite sure I will always be on the extreme margins of the mainstream at best. So my blogging represents ideas that are not ever going to get much attention in mainstream academia.
I’m feeling the same way, as though I ought to go public or go home. But the responses you’re getting here should be telling you why you are valuable, and you are.
I echo what many commenters said. I first started reading you at a time when I was reading lots of academic wriitten blogs – to get a better socialization into the academy that i failed to get at grad school and to be connected however loosely to a community of scholars. Teaching at a small slac i enjoyed getting insights into all different kinds of academic lives. That need has passed and now i just keep up with a couple whose voices i enjoy and in that weird anonymous virtual way, feel like friends – people i know that i want to hear what they’ve been up to Additionally, our emotional eperiences seem similar and i enjoy the validation. I often forward on a blog post to some friend-colleagues at work with the heading “it’s not just us”
You should totally be feeling the love by this point! So ditto all those above, and I’ll add another – I love reading about the cats and your house. You could update us on those… ? Write what you will, your voice and take on life are what we value.
Um, have you read the titles of my last several posts? How about this: as soon as our semesters are over, a bunch of us can maybe do a round-table-thingy about how our becoming established (in some folks’ cases, even in new careers), has changed the way we blog, our time for blogging, and even what we blog about. After all, it’s a sort of identity crisis that we all are/have/will face — we got the gold ring, so what do we do now?
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