I can’t think that this end is coming as a surprise to any of you. I mean, it’s not even a surprise to me, and I was willing myself to think that maybe things might turn out differently. But, indeed, this chapter is well and truly finished. For once and for all.
I first suspected that perhaps I didn’t really want things to work with The Dude when I entertained the advances of Steve the Hot Plumber. Another hint was when I allowed a Young Whippersnapper to come courting (via email and telephone) the following week. The fact of the matter is, if I had been truly invested in reuniting with The Dude, I probably wouldn’t have allowed these distractions. And yet I did. Which pretty much says it all, given the person that I am.
Because The Dude is emotionally an adolescent, he was exceptionally attentive when my attention was diverted, which probably extended things a bit, if I’m honest. Because The Dude loves me when I’m unavailable, and he takes me for granted and treats me like crap when I’m actually present and nice. Because THAT is healthy. At any rate, there were three things that happened last week that led up to me finally saying enough was enough. First, he screwed up plans with me (car trouble, ostensibly); second, he was all “I want to come over on the day after Thanksgiving to see your parents while they are in town!” and I was like “Okay….” and then he blew that off, too. (Note: I never really wanted or expected him to see them. But he was all kinds of enthusiasm about it.) And then he was supposed to come over on Sunday, but on Saturday he was all “I’m so broke I can’t even afford gas to drive to your house so you might have to come here” and then he didn’t answer the phone when I called him. And then I said to myself, “I don’t need this shit. I don’t even think I like him anymore.”
So I tried to have us get together to have a face-to-face conversation, just to end things like grown-ups with some modicum of respect, since we didn’t actually do that when we really broke up in July, but then he was all, “I don’t need this STRESS,” so that didn’t happen. Whatever. There really isn’t anything to say. I just thought that we owed each other that much (and I had some stuff to give him that I don’t want and that it feels wasteful to throw away… which I suppose I’ll mail to him? I dunno. Maybe I can handle the goods in an alternative way that wouldn’t involve throwing them in the trash?)
At any rate, I unfriended him on Fb and I’ve deleted him from my phone. And I’m in talks with a few fellows from Internet Dating Site, and sure, they will likely turn out to be weirdos, but better new weirdos with new weirdness than the same old fucking shit. Also: work is my top priority right now, and I do not need to be in some sort of weird Manipulation Limbo with some d00d who doesn’t value me at all.
And so, it’s done. And I feel good about it. On to the next one. (“Y’all should grow the fuck up/come here and let me coach you.” That line especially makes me laugh because one of my Freshmen has decided that he’s going to make the nickname “Coach” happen for me.)
Also, we are NEVER EVER EVER EVER getting back together. (I apologize for getting this stuck in your head, but it has totally been stuck in my head for the past three days. Y’all know it’s bad when Taylor Swift seems to have insight into your dumb life. Especially when you’re 39 years old.)