So I am exhausted, and I don’t have a lot of things to say.
Here’s the thing: I had a student who burst into tears over a C paper today (when others in the class got required revisions, so seriously: she’s in good shape, especially because there is no penalty for revision if she wants to revise, for it is a writing class) and I had to give the talk about how great her C was, plus tell her to stop crying because a) I didn’t have kleenex and b) I would start crying if she kept it up.
And also I had papers come in from my seniors in my upper-level course, and they all felt very insecure and thought the papers would never be what I wanted.
And also I had other papers come in from my gen ed lit students, and they also felt great fear and trepidation about them.
I am probably one of the most available and accessible and helpful professors in my department. But it turns out I’m motherfucking scary. Which is bizarre to me, on one level. On another level? If I scare the shit out of you and it brings you to greater heights as a thinker? That is me doing my job.
Still? I wish that I didn’t traumatize them. I wish I didn’t have to.
You scare the fucken shitte out of me when I leave a comment on your blogge. And we don’t even get motherfuckne grades!
I told a student yesterday that he was being lazy, and he had the grace to be embarrassed.
I think it is that we don’t live in a society with a lot context for smart women in charge who aren’t moms. So we scare them in a way that the same behavior from men doesn’t.
When I’m terrified, I don’t do my best work.
I’m sure this has been proposed before but I have to wonder if you’re really “scary” because the students have become accustomed to being coddled over the long term before you, and getting ANY constructive feedback is terrifying. “What? This is NOT wonderful (or basically acceptable)?! I do NOT know what to do with that. Except, perhaps, wet my pants.”
The perception of failure is paralyzing to students who haven’t been challenged and forced to learn how to think at all, as I’m sure you’ve seen. This seems like one of those situations. (Unless the crying was just having a go at a pity B but I sure hope not.)
I’m thinking of the idea that students that made Cs in high school or just failed EVER in life were more equipped to succeed ultimately because they knew how to get up after getting punched in the nose. They didn’t just roll around on the ground scared out of their minds because they knew that if one way didn’t work there was another way to achieve an end result. Or in this case, if this wasn’t good enough, have another go. Rewrite, edit, and rewrite again. I’ve never been a great writer but give me enough edits and rewrites, I can usually have a readable passage.
Mamohanraj – I hear you, and I AGREE with you. I suppose my point in this post (though I was so tired I made it terribly) is that I’m NOT actually scary, or inaccessible, or interested in proving something by making students scared: indeed, I’m all about making students feel GOOD, while still teaching them. But they are scared of me anyway.
Kit – Yes, I think this is part of the problem. I think that part of the way that they build me up is that I’m so NOT like a mom, so thus not safe. They think that they can’t screw up with me because they don’t think that they can count on me taking care of them after. If I were a “mom” type, they could count on me for that. If I were a dude, they wouldn’t expect that from me. In this regard, the freaking out is a lot about cognitive dissonance related to my failure to conform to their idea of what a person of my gender should be like.
Revanche – At least with the tearful student, yes, this is surely part of it. It’s an honors comp class.
Profsusan – I LONG for my students to have the grace to be embarrassed by such things!
CPP – You’re a baby
I love Kit’s observation. My being a non-maternal woman and yet someone they want to impress is sometimes difficult for them to deal with. I sense that you probably are viewed in the same way (or similarly).
I wish my students cared enough to cry over a C! But I will admit that when the C or B- students show up for a conference about their work, they’re open to my suggestions and are looking to make changes, and I really appreciate that. No one ever has tried to argue me into a higher grade at this university, not in 11 years, which I find kind of amazing. (And I am not an easy grader.)
I’ve been thinking about this one for quite a while. It’s not necessarily YOU that made her cry. She cried. That’s it. There may be something else going on in her life such that your comment pushed her over into tears. She may have misunderstood the assignment and felt stupid for doing so. There are multiple other reasons that she may have cried. I doubt it was because Mean Dr. Crazy made her cry. Yes, you are a different kind of woman that the students are learning to deal with.
Just the other week, I asked my students about the papers they had just turned in. They were unsure about them and hesitant. When I graded them, they turned out to be excellent work. I can really see them growing as writers. When they told me that they weren’t comfortable, I told them, “Good. That means you are out of your comfort zone and growing and learning.” Fortunately, the papers bore out that conclusion.
It’s uncomfortable to learn and to grow, often, and students react differently to it.