Seriously.
My parents called me tonight to warn me about the fact that there will be storms where I live tomorrow. My stepdad suggested that I should sleep in my basement, until I noted that the storms won’t be showing up until tomorrow afternoon. My mother then proceeded to worry over the fact that I teach students and that they can kill me. And then she was concerned that my car insurance might go up.
May I remind us all that I am 37 years old? And that these people used to talk to me just one time per week when I was much younger and much more foolish?
Clearly they always had these impulses, but before the era of free long distance they were more worried about spending five bucks than they were about my safety. Now, however, these people have FREE FREAKING REIGN to express all of their dumb concerns. When I accused my mother of being a helicopter parent, she said, “well, of course I am!” She then noted that G. would be calling to check on me tomorrow.
So the next time you think that your students’ parents are assholes, let’s just note that LOTS of parents – even of grown-ass women – are also assholes. I mean, I love them and everything, and it was a very funny conversation, in which at one point I noted that I did understand that I should go to the basement if things looked grim, and in which my mother suggested that Mr. Stripey would be the one to sound the alarm (even though he cares about no one but himself and can’t even meow properly), and in which my mother suggested that I needed to go into the basement area under the porch – that the basement alone is not good enough – because when the tornado hits it will suck me out of my basement door (apparently). At one point, I, exasperated, said, “so now that you guys have alerted me to the potential for a tornado, what exactly am I supposed to do? Change the path of the storm?!?!” And my mom said, “YES!!!!” She then inarticulately emoted about the fact that I live in “tornado alley” and I responded that even if I lived in freaking California she would think I lived in tornado alley. (This is true: when I lived in Boston she also had grave concerns about tornadoes and my well-being should a freak tornado strike, particularly when I lived in what amounted to a person’s attic.) She admitted this was the case and then laughed her head off, to the point that she got the hiccups.
At any rate, it’s my spring break! Huzzah! A week free in which to write!
Now time to settle in for a quiet evening before my parents begin calling me tomorrow.
FREE FREAKING REIGN
And you call yourself a fucken english professor?
Oh, spelling has nothing to do with being an English professor, physioprof. And also, language is flexible and fluid and ever-changing, etc. But finally http://www.dailywritingtips.com/free-rein-or-free-reign/
Ahahaha! I never thought of it that way, but my parents do the same thing and I’m 34. My mother asked where I was applying for jobs and, when I mentioned that I really wanted this one job in Tennessee, she said, “Oh no! You can’t live there! They get tornadoes!” She also loses sleep over my driving ten hours to visit them, despite the fact that I have now been driving for 18 years. I don’t mean that she loses sleep the day that I’m driving. No. She will not be able to sleep for 3-4 days ahead of when I’m actually leaving. If there’s rain or snow or even wind in the forecast, forget it. She wants me to cancel the trip.
I should not judge my students.
Where I lived for several years, houses that did not have connected basements did have storm cellars — you’d go out of the front door, around to the back, open up those big slanty doors, and basically climb into an earthen hole.
Here’s the trick: you bought tornado safety at the price of hordes of brown recluse spiders.
Don’t tell your mom, Dr. C….
(And by the way, thanks for the link. Very interesting. Like the Comrade, I am always distressed at “free reign”, but at least it makes sense. I will *never* accept “shoe-in.”)
Some parents could benefit by interpreting weather reports more skeptically. I live in a city that is prone to a mystical phenomenon called “lake effect snow,” which within memory has been made universally famous by the Weather Channel—or, if not universally, at least wherever cable TV is common. My family, however, lives in a city where there are no lakes (and few tornados, earthquakes, tsunamis, or anything else dramatic). My mother follows the Weather Channel uncritically enough that she has yet to discover that forecasts of “lake effect snow” are not only notoriously unreliable but also notoriously catastrophist. All winter long, she will assume I am snowed-in when all I saw here were a few flurries.
Fucke thatte errante shitte. FREE REIN will reign forever!
hmm… I think you make a good point – it’s not necessarily a generational thing for parents to be helicopter parents, it’s the technology that allows them to be? (Well at least to a certain extent – it’s certainly something I haven’t thought about that way, though I have argued in the past that “Millennial” traits have more to do with how much technology one has used, than one’s generation, so this kind of ties nicely with it.)
That said, I’m an only child who is a millennial but barely (I just turned 30) – my parents are more “helicopter-y” now than they were when I was in college (I would still classify them then as just “involved” not helicopter – my mother did go to bat for me about some allergy issues in the dorm (my mom’s a nurse) but otherwise didn’t really do anything too helicopter-y).
tee hee
I swear every time we factime my parents, which is multiple times per week, my mom comments “your hair is SO long” which is code for “when the fucke are you going to do something with that rat’s nest”
PURPLE REIGN!!!
I wonder if your parents would be all helicoptery if you were married. I strongly suspect that they do this because you don’t have a male protector to figure out tornado safety for you.
I am suddenly more grateful for the fact that I tend to be the person who checks in with others. My sisters text me if they hear bad weather reports, but mostly, I think they figure that, at almost 50, I am probably ok. Plus I’m so far away they can’t do anything… I am so jealous of your break. Mine will be spent leading a campus group exercise. Still not sure why I agreed…
I wonder where the line between helicopter and caring is? Yes, parents’ worry. People worry about those they care about. I think it’s fine to express your concerns and anxieties on the phone. It’d be different if they turned up, built you a storm shelter and locked you in it!
And for the record, I don’t think it’s a product of new technologies. Early modern letters are full of anxiety- they just took longer to get there (and equally couldn’t predict the future/ weather so accurately)!
OMG. I think we may live nearby. There were also tornado predictions for today where I live, and my mother called from Argentina asking if I intended to go to work today. When I told her it was inevitable and, on top of that, 2 of my classes had midterms, she asked if I couldn’t cancel them. So I definitely understand you.
I was considering calling my parents to see if they’re still alive, but my dad emailed me before I had a chance to let us know they are still alive but the protest he was going to go to tomorrow has been canceled because of the weather.
My in-laws call every time we have a tornado (how they keep up with this stuff when they’re in the midwest and we’re in another region of the country is beyond me)… on the one hand it’s nice because they’re such a rare event that we don’t have sirens… but on the other hand the uni keeps us informed with the system they set up to stop school shooters.
The last time my mom called about the weather she told me I wasn’t allowed to drive to a job interview across state during a blizzard. I went anyway, got into a car wreck, and didn’t get the job (those last two are probably unrelated, but them wanting me to come anyway was probably a good sign I didn’t want the job… also I learned how absolutely nothing is open on Sunday within 60 miles of the town, especially not garages). She was probably right.
It doesn’t get better. In a month I turn 40 and they’re still hovering. No tornadoes but there are all sorts of other worries in NYC. Mind you, they live within walking distance… imagine the horrors. (e.g., “I’m worried. If you don’t text me back within an hour I’m COMING OVER!”
I did not read all the comments, so perhaps this has been mentioned. It’s LOTS, no apostrophe. Sorry. Had to. On another note, this post really resonated with me. Glad YOU can laugh. I’m 50, and not, apparently, capable of running my own life or raising my own children. I do not laugh with her (my mother, obviously) about this. Maybe I could if half the comments did not involve my parenting abilities. I’m sort of uptight about comments on my parenting. Nip it in the bud now if you care, because it WILL NOT go away… And, again, very glad I’ve found your blog!
I think it’s helicoptering when they call other people for you. Ie: on your behalf or to look for you when you’re not picking up your phone the very first second you call. There’s one parent, naming no names, who will methodically call each of her kids. If they don’t pick up on her first call immediately, she then cycles through their spouses or significant others and all possible friends they might be with. Because *it’s that important* (it never is). And the calls to the friends are totally useless because: “are you with X? Because I want to talk to them. You are? They’re completely indisposed? That’s why they’re not picking up? Well then … tell them I want to talk to them.”
“Hey X, your parent is nuts again. Just FYI!”
I leave it under caring/nagging the living daylights out of me when they call the actual kids and keep it limited just to them.
But I think all parents have some level of this. All parents with some heart anyway
I googled “Helicopter parent for 40 year old” and up popped your blog. I’m a 43 year old nurse and I am SHOCKED at the number of professional people in their late 30′s / 40′s who have helicopter parents. I just got off the phone with a Dad calling to ask me about getting his son the gift of elective surgery. I so badly wanted to say, “You son is 45 years old. May your offer and then if he is interested, let HIM call the surgeon”. Another friend is a 42 year old lawyer. Never married and my guess is because of her parents. Sweet people, but they are so tied up in her life it is pathetic. She makes a decent salary, has no student loans (due to their genorosity), but she is still financialy tied to them. They paid for her education, so they feel entitled to tell her what to do. She has no self confidence, so she still ALLOWS them to do this. I have suggested to her on numerous occassions, NOT to accept money or favors from them. They are in their 70′s and well off, but she doesn’t need their money or guilt.
On the other hand, be happy that you have parents who care. My parents were very caring, but my Dad died when I was 26 and my Mom had early onset dementia. However, before all of that happened, I asserted my independence. When my Dad would question my expenses (and he had a habit of picking up my checkbook and looking in it), I would ask him, “why, you aren’t paying my bills”. When they didn’t agree with one of my college majors, I went to work and paid for my education myself.
As a parent myself now, I know how hard it is not to hover. My son has always been tiny, so we put him in karate to give him self confidence and so that he could protect himself. He is in middle school and his school is in a very rough neighborhood. He has never had a problem. He has issues with focus, so I have had to hover a bit to make sure assignments get done. He does very well in school. However, I told him that when he turned 13 he was going to be taking on more “personal responsibility”. Such as, no more constant reminders about tests, assigments ect. We have access on the computer to all of his grades. I know of 3 missing assignments, and I’m pretty sure he did them. It took everything I had not to remind him, but I want him to learn what it can do to his GPA when he isn’t responsible.
Your parents mean well. Sometimes you just have to assert yourself and now allow the hovering to stir up the leaves and dirt………….